New Year, New Me

I say this every year
But I’m still the same old me.

Nothing changes

I make the same goals
Hoping to fill some kind of hole
But it never happens

Goal 1
I will become more organized

Ha!
That’s laughable.

My desk stays a mess
The clothes pile up
Papers are scattered everywhere

I am disorganized chaos

Goal 2
I will read more

If my younger self could hear me now,
She would be so sad

Books were my only friends
They protected me
They gave me life

Now, I can barely dedicate my time to them

Finally, Goal 3
The one that haunts me

I will lose weight

Every day that I look in the mirror,
I have to stop myself from hating the reflection that stares back

On my good days, 
I can find some type of beauty in my image

On my bad days,
I recoil at the feel and sight of the fat on my body

I have always been defined by my weight
I have always let it control my mind

Each year, I try to 
Exercise more
Eat healthy
Track my food
Restrict my urges

Each year, I fail

These goals have good intentions,
But they come from a place of hate

It’s a new year,
But nothing is going change